So it is November 20th, 2016. I feel slightly less hungover and shellshocked than I did on the morning of November 9th (when I spent most of the day hugging my toddler and tearfully apologizing to him over and over again for terrible, horrible, no-good decisions of the American electorate), but I am not quite approaching Acceptance in the 5 Stages of Grief (still far from it, in fact). And every time I open my phone or computer to connect with the world, via email, Facebook, or reading the news (I don’t use Instagram or Twitter, thank goodness), I feel my anxiety level and blood pressure rising. Every announcement that another white supremacist (sorry, ahem, member of the “alt-right”) is being considered for a cabinet post, every news article reinforcing what a thin-skinned narcissist our President-elect is (no, Donald, the cast of Hamilton does not need to apologize to Mike Pence for politely asking him to govern on behalf of Americans who are not white and straight – maybe your advisors should take away your access to your own Twitter account again), makes me sad, fearful, hopeless, and, above all, angry. I lay in bed at night worrying about the future of every American who isn’t white, straight, male, and economically advantaged. Every credible news article I read leaves me feeling helpless and defeated. Call my representatives in Congress to let them know what I think? They are all Democrats and already in my corner.
The votes are cast. The election is over. America has voted a racist demagogue into its highest office and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. So, here is my conundrum: I deeply want to stay involved. I have already started donating money to charities I have never financially supported before (thank you for all your hard work, ACLU and Southern Poverty Law Center). But as deeply as I want to stay engaged, I also want – no, need – to disengage. For my own mental health.
I guess the question is, how can I stay engaged while disengaging from current events that make me angry and anxious? Part of me wants to unplug from the internet for four years, listen to music in the car on the way to work instead of NPR, stop checking Facebook and the New York Times online, and ignore all of the terrible things that are going on around me, over which I have exactly zero control. But on the other hand, I keep thinking of the quote from Elie Wiesel, “We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” How can I possibly disengage from the world with those words ringing in my ears? I can set up monthly donations to groups whose work I support, but that doesn’t seem like enough. What is the right thing to do? How do I remain a responsible American citizen while holding onto my sanity?
Liz-
I am scared too. My Husband, although a Christian and a U.S. citizen, is brown skinned and because of that, could be taken as a threat to those who do not know him.
On election night, I sat on my couch and tried to breathe as I cried due to the echos of hearing,”…..we are going to drain the swamp” in the back of my mind. My fear and dread is as real as yours.
What am I doing?
I have written about it (see hyperlink).
I have made three commitments to three, monthly reoccuring donations to nonprofits that I care about.
Am going to participate in the one million woman march in DC on January 21st
I’ve joined the board of directors of a small nonprofit that helps Millineals work with the homeless population
I have made a commitment to go to the impoverished for the purpose of listening to them and understand their pain.
I will open my door to all those who I love but happen to be of different religions, sexiality, race and race.
I have purchased subscriptions to the New York Times for my parents and us
I will fly my Dad up to visit me because he is sick with grief
In short, instead of my grief get the best of me, I choose to fight the good fight.
Turn off your TV.
Limit yourself to 1-2 visits a day to the Internet
Find comfort in prayer
Work out everyday
And if you love your Son and your Husband as much as I know you do, then take my personal story as an inspiration……don’t less this be your undoing.
Love
Maureen
Maureen,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I really liked the post you linked to. It’s true, I need to learn how to fight in a way that makes me feel fulfilled and happy, not angry and hopeless. I guess there is a learning curve on how to do that. I have decreased my internet usage by about 90% this week, and I feel great. We also set up donations to the ACLU and SPLC. Might add Planned Parenthood to that list. Albert Schweitzer said, “Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.” Sounds like you’re already doing that! (He also said, “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing,” which I love and also thought you might like.)