“The opposite of a busy life isn’t a lazy life, it’s a full life. Don’t apologize for daydreaming, stargazing, or any activity that speaks to your soul. Take a long walk, a short nap, or sit quietly. Others may not respect the value of slowing down, but you know what’s best for you.” -Courtney Carver of Be More With Less
I was really struck by this statement. I often feel the need to apologize to others for not doing a lot (or, more often, doing a lot but not wanting to). Last Saturday, my family had a really lazy day. We both worked out in the morning (which we really enjoy doing, it is not a chore), then took our kid out to brunch, then lazed around watching a movie and eventually ate crackers and cheese for dinner because we never went grocery shopping or cooked. I felt weirdly guilty about having such a do-nothing day. I should have at least made dinner, or done some laundry, or not let my 21-month-old watch a movie. But why can’t I replace guilt with gratitude? Gratitude that we did exactly what we wanted that day. Had a great meal, sat at the table way to long after we were done, just talking. Spent the day together. Didn’t stress out about anything. It was a truly great day. (And sat in contrast to Sunday, which I spent working from 6am to 6pm). I need to reframe my thoughts about “lazy” days. I want to look at days like last Saturday as “full” days instead. Not filled with busy-ness or to-do lists, but with people I love, doing exactly what we felt like doing in the moment.
Why do I feel guilty about “lazy” days? I think because busyness is so highly valued among my peers (full-time professionals with or without young kids). Everyone loves talking about how busy they are, so it feels weird to say, “I spent yesterday having a long brunch and then watching a movie with my family,” like I should feel guilty for not having done as much as they did yesterday. Why can’t we all stop talking about how busy we are? It is not helpful, it is certainly not interesting, and it leads to this weird keeping-up-with-the-Jones’ mentality of feeling like you’re not as accomplished as your friend or coworker if you’re not trying to cram as much as they are into your life.
I want to say “no” to doing things so I have more room in my life to just be. Be calm, be happy, be bored, be inspired, be curious, be relaxed. Just be. There’s truly no room to have a full life if you’re busy all the time.