I have a confession to make: I think I am addicted to my smartphone and the internet. I don’t want to be. But I am. Over the past few months, I have managed to make some good changes to help get over my addiction, but it’s still there, and no matter how well I cut myself off from the smart phone, it keeps pulling me back in, and I end up backsliding. I’m not at the point of standing in line at the grocery store checking Facebook, but I spend *way* more time on my phone’s internet browser than I need to. Usually checking really stupid, mindless websites that waste my time and brain space and add zero value to my life (actually I’m pretty sure that when I see a post about some Kardashian on people.com it actually detracts value from my life).
I want to set some goals for this month. May not happen in a month, but I want to try to get partway towards them.
- Check my email once a day, and only when I intend to actually respond to emails. No mindless refreshing of my inbox on my phone when I have no intention of doing anything about any emails that come in (because I hate typing more than 5 words at a time on my phone). Also my job is somewhat unique in that I literally do not need email for work, so I have no excuse here.
- Check my Facebook Groups app once a week. I hate Facebook. The Groups app is nice though, but I still spend too much time on there. And I don’t need to check 30 minutes after I’ve posted something to see if I get any replies or likes. I don’t feel like I need validation from semi-strangers, so why do I act like I do??
- Get my news from the actual newspaper on Sunday. I do not need to check the news online multiple times a day. If something happens in the world and it doesn’t make the Week in Review of the Sunday New York Times, then I’ll have to live without knowing about it. Also, you’d be surprised how much actual news you can get from listening to Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. 🙂 (And yes, I get an actual newspaper delivered to my door on Sunday, if you’re wondering if anyone still does that.)
- Stop checking brain-cell-killing websites that add no value to my life (mommyish.com and people.com, I’m talking to you). They add nothing. They take my time. They are not worth my time.
- Never use my phone or computer around my son, except to FaceTime the grandparents and to occasionally take his picture (but then texting the picture to people needs to be done when he’s not around). For so many reasons. One, I don’t want him to ever think that my phone is more important than he is. Because it most definitely is not, by 50 trillion miles. Two, I don’t want him to model this behavior when he’s old enough to have his own phone; if you’re spending time with family, it’s not ok to have your head in a screen. Three, I want to actually savor the time I spend with him (I’m a working mom, so I feel like it’s never as much time as I want with him), to soak in the moment, which you can’t do if you’re distracted.
- Do not fill up every moment of downtime with a smartphone check. Examples of downtime where I will nearly always reach for my smartphone:
- Short breaks at work (like 10-15 minutes to eat a snack or grab a coffee); I have not figured out a way to recharge during short breaks in a 12-hour shift without mindless internet browsing. I have downloaded a meditation app but have only used it a couple times.
- Waiting at airports. I travel a lot for work. There is a lot of airport downtime.
- At night, after my son goes to bed, when I just want to put my feet up and veg. And I honestly don’t have the energy for anything else. Instead of sitting for 15 minutes before I get up to clean the kitchen, it turns into an hour or more of doing…what, exactly?
I am not starting totally from scratch, I have made some changes over the past few months in my effort to unplug my life. A couple are:
- I charge my phone in the kitchen, not by my bed. (Only exception is if my husband is not home before I go to bed, then I keep my phone by me in case there’s an emergency). This way I don’t waste time in the morning or at night checking my phone. Sometimes I wake up with terrible insomnia (thanks, pregnancy!) and I wish my phone was next to me, but mostly it’s a good thing.
- I read actual physical books that I get from the library. I used to read books on the Kindle app on my phone, but I would constantly leave the app to do other things, or respond to texts that popped up, or whatever. Now I can just enjoy a book uninterrupted.
- I quit using Facebook. I really only liked it for the groups I was in, so I downloaded the Facebook Groups app, which is awesome. Over the past few weeks I’ve gone back to checking my news feed, for some reason. And I still hate it, but haven’t been able to step back from it yet. It’s seriously an addiction.
- I stopped checking news sites a dozen or more times a day. This had more to do with the current state of American politics and world news making me clinically depressed and less to do with wanting to digitally detox, but the result is the same. I subscribed to a daily digest of headlines (which I later unsubscribed from, because seeing the news first thing in the morning when I checked my email was still too depressing) and delivery of the Sunday paper to get a roundup of the week’s news (because I don’t want to live under a rock). I have slid back into checking nytimes.com 2-3 times a day, which is way less than I used to but still more than I want or need to.
I want to try to make headway towards those first six goals this month. I have only one more week of traveling out of state for work before maternity leave, which should make things a little easier (when you come home from work to an empty hotel room, there aren’t a ton of options of things to do, and there’s tons of downtime in the airport).
I think this post both coincides with the start of the May module which is digital detox, but also is a reaction to how I spent my day today, which involved more time than I’d care to admit on my computer/phone while I was watching my son. Yes, it was cold and rainy out and I’m exhausted and 8 months pregnant, but that doesn’t make it ok. I feel so guilty. I felt guilty while it was happening, but I didn’t have the energy to change course. And also, as mentioned above, I’m addicted to the phone. I definitely gave into the iPhone twitch today, and I don’t feel good about it. Two “useful” things I used my technology for today: FaceTiming the grandparents (twice) and my best friend across the country whom I haven’t talked to in ages. So that felt good. But if you’re addicted to alcohol you can just stop cold-turkey and never touch it again. Not so much with an iPhone. I actually use it for useful things, so I need to figure out how to only use it in a way that will add value to my life, and not waste my time or detract from my life, which I think it’s mostly doing now. Will check in later this month with an update of my progress! (hopefully…) 🙂